A personal recount of a life within Berlin, Venice and the EU

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tomorrow I am going to the cinema with my cousin: any tip for a movie we can both enjoy? She is 12 years old.
HAve a nice day.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Back in Venice

Where is the Xmas atmosphere? I am probably not sensible to it this year, but on the other side it seems that this city is losing its soul, and it is doing it very fast. It does not seem that it is such a big deal for the people who live in here, by the way...and that is probably the saddest aspect of this development...not such a big news though...
Once more I feel farther and farther away from this city....it is not a good feeling: you feel like you cannot live anymore in the place where you are born.
It is still charming, still beautiful, still the most amazing challenge to Nature that I know, so far : building up a city on the water...but I feel as a stranger, everytime more, and that makes me feel sad...so deeply sad.
I was Santa Claus tonight: I dressed up for a four years old child who, lucky her, still believes in him...I envied her somehow: still having this excitement for such a wonderful moment of the year is something that I would like to enjoy once more...I guess it has been the best present I did this year: mostly because she was not supposed to say "thank you" to me: I did it just to let her fantasy go further, one more year dreaming about the magic of life...that is cool.

My dear blog-readers: I was thinking about making a top-five concerning the things I want to emprove about myself for the next year: would you please think about them for you as well, and post them on the blog, please? There is a bigger and bigger luck of feed-back for this blog...sometimes I think about I should write much more, sometimes I think I should not write anymore...it is getting boring without feed-back. Can you understand that?

By the way, my dear, I wish to all of you a peaceful, peaceful, peaceful 25th of December 2006. Hug you all.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

There are moments when you feel like not having choice....there are moments when you feel like that you shouldn´t make any, rather wait and be a more patient with the things happening all around you...
There are moments when you know you should just consider that there is no third option, keep it cool and let the angryness and the frustration away...
There will be moments when I ll just enjoy the patience, probably...

People told me lately, and in different ways, that I am not so patient....I think I see a point on that...I think as well that I get less patient with somebody when I have the feeling that I have been misunderstood...
On the other side I do think as well that I am not such an easy person to understand: I am not easy for myself as well, I guess....

Anyway the time goes by really fast, I did not manage to do all the things that I had planned for these three months....but I found a flat, just next to my house, so it is gonna be easy to move out the staff from one place to the other...
I was in Holland to visit Michel, a good friend...went back to The Hague after seven years...my memories were so confused, really impressive how few I could remember...but I had the feeling that I had already been walking in front of the small Parliament´s lake, before I could actually remember it....I felt my mind just jumped to that evening of seven years ago but did not tell me that it wanted to move back there...it is probably similar to the feeling you have when you remember a dream months after...you fee like your mind is communicating with you through feelings... you remember in a sort of neither verbal, nor figural way...
There is still something I did not understand about Holland though: it is a very developed and organized country, where people seem to be pratical on one side and able to enjoy life on the other....what I did not clear with myself yet is if I would be able to live over there....it is not an answer that I should get soon, it is more a question mark Ill try to solve...

Ana, I ll try my best to come to visit you before Xmas, but it sounds difficult, my organization needs some help: a group of students from Sardiny is coming to Berlin for a week, and since they do not talk any German and any English, Ill probably get big headaches trying to translate stuff to them...
But I promise Ill do my best...
Ill be in Venice from the 22nd to the 30th this month....so if you know somebody who is interested to have holydays in Beriln for Xmas, there is an apartement in Kreuzberg waiting for him, her, them....I would not ask for a lot of money, though...It would be cheaper than any other accomodation you could get in there for that period....and the apartement is in a very nice neighbourhood!

Monday, December 11, 2006

I had some troubles with posting stufff....don ot why, actually!
There is a post which waits to be there since more than a week...Ill try today once more but it did not work.
Hope you are doing all right. All of you. I am scoring pretty well

Hopefully there will be more room to talk about the past

http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,453620,00.html

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

South American Volunteers

So Edgar is leaving soon for Perú...he is gonna do some volunteering there....good luck, man!
By the way here is his blog, check it out from time to time: I will, my friend!
Edgar in Perú
Alex is leaving soon as well...Argentina is his destination: take care you too, man!
Paul, we should really try to manage to go there next year, at least to visit them!
Noemi, if you are still in Chile, I can just say: "Take care and kisses".
For anybody else have a nice day!

Monday, November 13, 2006

122nd Post

I posted a lot in this blog, but mostly at the beginning...not a lot in this last couple of weeks...or maybe more...whatever..I am fine, a lot of things are somehow changing...I met a lot of people both in here and during the travels I did...but it is not easy to keep the contacts with everybody...and sometimes you think it would be nice, but does not work so well...by the way the time is never enough, and that is a pity as well...

I am listening a lot Tv on The Radio, right now....do not listen to them if you have not already gotten through an hard rock period in your life...but they are so cool!!!
What else? Nina Anastasia is kind of interesting: I started to listen to her with more pleasure since I wrote an interview she did a month ago: at a certain point he says:" Nowadays is the most revolutionary thing is to be totally true and sincere!" I think she is right, but I did not manage to be so till the very end in these last months...I am trying to emprove...and I am, actually.
I would say NIN are cool as well, but more difficult to listen to...
The Editors, on the other side, seem a copy of Interpol: so a copy of the mixture between the Velvet Underground and the first Coldplay...a coupe of tracks have a really charming beat though...

I just started to read another book by Z. Smith: my mother sent it to me last week...she is so young, so beautiful and she writes so well...unbelievable (ehy, I am not talking about my mother, obviously..!)
I am trying to Belgium or Netherland for a couple of days (3rd-5th December: no way to change the dates: it is the only window of opportunity...if somebody is interested, it would be nice if he´d let me know!)

I hope you are doing all right, wherever you are...
I ll post some more soon...

Monday, October 23, 2006

On Thursday the 19th there has been the twenty years Party of the Kindergarten where I work...there were almost all the children with their parents, playing and eating some bloody pasta and some nice home-made cakes...everybody was in the garden...there was also a show for children, made by a woman dressed like a tiger....
I was really happy of the whole situation: it was nice to see that the children run to me to tell you just Hallo, that the parents smiled at me, and that the teachers considered me as part of the school, one hundred percent...

But the coolest thing happened when the party for the family finished and I went with 15 teachers upstairs to drink some wine....photos of ten years ago came out, stories of the past, told in this strict Berlin accent, came out as well...and I could feel at a very intuitive level that I am working in Eastern Berlin...I loved it...

Yesterday I went to this German-Czech Jazzfest, that turned to be OK but a bit too poppy for my taste...mostly because when I think about jazz on one side, and about the amazing players that I heard in Czech, I feel like I miss something for sure...and then there is this kind of typical Czech attitude of making charts of anything: when you study Economic History of the previous socialistic Eastern European Countries, it is easy to find some Czech authors who will tell you that Czech was the 8th biggest world economy in the 1920s, in every essay the will write....or that Czech always scored better than any other previous brother-country from any of the European standards - that is actually not true...or that the mountains on the Czech side are nicer...
So it is Ok I guess, but why should I care about the fact that the piano player I am listening was ranked among the best 10-12 European piano players of 2006, according to some magazines...I mean: since he plays a cheasy version of Fragile, full of funny (negative meaning) keyboards sounds...?
Anyway that was the first thing the leader of this band - Shanti (ethnojazz v Ceske Republiky) - said....hmm....


It was cool though: I met a woman from Prague there, who actually offered me a ticket for half of the price: we obviously talked in German: since she lives in Germany since 1966 it was the language we could both talk well enough...

TIPS

Last week I read a book by Agotha Kristof, the first of my life: Hier....amazing, probably less than 100 pages...but so intense and so direct....read it, if you do not have a book on your table right now...by the way she is somehow a product of what happened yesterday, exactly fifty years ago...
Right now I am reading a book by Coetzee: the beginning sounds really good...

So after such a kind pretentious cultural part, a short story to make you all laugh ( hopefully): Lost in Translation

A nice week to everybody...

P.S. It would be nice if the people who read this lunatic blog could post something from time to time...just to keep some more contacts...
Tschüß.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Illness

I cough a lot, I have got a cold as well, on Friday I guess...but I would not say I am ill....anyway I cannot get more than 4 hours sleep since thursday night so I feel like dead...I went to the doctor today and I guess I looked like a very ill person...that is why she gave me three days off...but the thing is: "What should I do?" I´d love just to sleep for ten hours in a row...for three days in a row...not the most likel event in here....

Anyway it is interesting to be home and enjoy all the sounds of my neighbourhood, sounds and situations that I had not enjoyed that much. Have a nice begin of this week you all!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sunday ........ Sunday

Once more it was one of those weekends full with things going on...once more it has been one of those weekends in which I work more than 24 hours in 2 days and I cannot get any sleep: would you consider 14 hours sleep in three nights enough sleep?
Anyway I had an interesting day. Since I am looking for a new flat, I walked a lot through areas that I did not know...I saw something new...I went to my favourite bar in Kreuzberg 36 and drank something, while reading the last pages of "White Teeth" (get it! It is amazing!)...the evening was filled in with Czech beers and the need to be by myself...I can state that I love also the Autumn of this city...
I love to be here...I am getitng sentimental.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Read it if you understand French

An indipendent point of view on Cecenia

Plans for Xmas

So thanks to my temporary Venezuelan room-mate I bought today the tickets to go back to Venice on the 22nd of December...It is getting normal to miss the Fall in Venice, it is such a nice season...but I cannot complain that much...
Take are you all...

Monday, October 09, 2006

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Make it cooler...hopefully...

As you hopefully have already noticed, I did some changes for this blog...hope you all like it...

Ah ah ah, Sonntag ist da...

Only yesterday evening i finally discovered that the restaurant in which I work is considered - according to the most accountable Berliner Guide for restaurants and bars - one of the best twenty restaurants in town!!! It is really something...and now I see why in the last two weeks we are always full, every single evening...

I have ben working so much in the last two two days...and working as waiter in such a restaurant is a bit stressing...I am proud right now, though, for real...it is definitely not the job of my life but I like to work for five days with the most amazing part of humanity - 2 years old children - and then, on the week-end, living the night life of Kreuzberg...Indeed I got barely drunk yesterday...but we had fun...only my stomach did not like it this morning...but its reaction was really polite: it is learning, finally...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I like being here from any point of view, but I am always thinking about travelling somewhere else in these last days...I am actually also thinking about the people I would like to have here but I should ask for three weeks holydays in order to meet all of them the way I would like to...
Whatever....
Gute Nacht...

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Au weia!

I always thought that I had a really strong need for a computer in here...now that I have it, it is just as I imagined....I can listen to new music, talk with friends who are living or studying on the other side of the world, and realize that I do not need the television anymore!!!
Right now I am in this internet café on a big avenue just next to my house, drinking a beer, and writing mails...nice! I know it would be much better to have all of you here, I have no doubt about that, but, as the Rolling Stones sang - and still sing thanks to some medical miracles...- "You can´t always get what you want".

My children are so amazing, loud and not listening to us all the time though, but come on, when you make them smile or when they hug you, I feel like I am lucky...and the more the time goes by, the more they smile and they just run to me, joyful and "zufrieden".

I have probably found a bit of harmony inside of myself, that is the main point...I can´t say anything else...that is enough, no?
Take care you all...and try to come here some time: you would love this place, I guess.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Marathon in Berlin

There is the Marathon today...I woke up so early this morning...I can´tsleep more than 7 hours...a kind of biological clock makes me awake...so the race was passing just behind my house...there were so many runners...a band playing at a petrol station...
I have seen a runner all covered with tatoos - and the reaction of an old man lookig at him - I have seen a runner dressed up like Robin Hood, Japanese runners holdng their flag, danish people that seemed not to bear the high temperatures very well...
A nice sunday to everybody...

Saturday, September 23, 2006

First Saturday of this Fall

So it is the first week-end since ages that: 1. I am in Berlin, 2. I do not have to work...I was really lucky today: the weather was wonderful: my organization had planned a day trip to Spreewald.
So we were travelling by boat through small rivers in the middle of a natural reserve for three hours: drinking beer and talking. If you have read this post till this point (and for some miracle you still find it interesting), mybe you ask yourself:"Hey, Marco, who was "we"?" There were some people from England who do an internship here in Berlin, some people from Spain - why is it so difficult to talk with Spanish people?!!!!. I had no chance to say anything to any of them, and all of them could either talk english or german...I am not hat scaring, since I talked with the all the other people...god damned!

It has been a nice day...by the way I just discovered three months ago the existence of this slavic minority, the Zorbians, thanks to a book I was reading...these Zorbians live right in this region we visited today...it is a very small minority but they managed somehow - Nazis and Socialistic times should have been tough - to keep a language (that is still taught in the schools) and a lot of traditions...
Interesting...

By the way, on the way back from this Berlin train station, I walked all along the last part of the wall that is still standing there...not any particular feeling...it is just strange to see that the street standing in front of the wall is simply packed with cars...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

News from the Eastern part of Germany

I bought a laptop yesterday...so I hope I ll be better in keeping the contacts since tomorrow....the things is that my flat mates are so f.... lazy...the internet connection has never functioned but they never tried to fix the problem...so I am gonna get a headache while talking with an underpaid phone assistant for Tele2 Germany...
Paul, you have to give some tips about the Mac world...hope to hear from you all soon though.

By the way a short summary: my children did not forget me...nobody cried and all of them is amazing every day more and more...
Berlin experienced some sunny days for this ununderstandable summer 2006...I am planning to go Munich early in October and I would like to go to Belgium soon...the main issue, as always unfortunately, is money...
My sister moved to Barcelona today...cross your fingers together with me, please, so she will find a job and her own way soon...
Berlin is buddiful.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Falling Star

Yeah, I have seen a falling star, just half an hour ago...on the way back from this pub, the only one that Grosshennesdorf has, I was walking through streets without any kind of public lighting - if somebody ever doubted about it, guys!, the Milky Way still exists!...the moon is less than the half right now...

The day has been long...we have been riding our bikes for more than 50 kilometres today...we visited a small town that is completely relying on renewable kinds of energy, has a congress center that is amazing and lives just next to a convent full with Benedictines nuns...you can enjoy the newest technology at the border between Poland and Germany...

I have been in the point where Poland Czech Republic and Germany meet up....there is a small river going by and three four flags blowing at the wind - EU´s flag is obviously the fourth one....

I am positive in these last days...the reason is not just one, and by the way, it is something really difficult to write down in a clear way...
I also have to say that some phone calls during the last days helped me a lot to keep the mood high...

This seminar I am doing is well planned: a small group, many inputs on different topics...many informations, the chance to meet people who dedicate their life to something in such a way that is so deep and so natural at the same time...and, last but not least, thepossibilty to be outside fromn the early morning till late in the evening...

Czech, German and Polish people were the people I met in these last days...
This region was fucked up by the pollution: it was coming out mostly from some coal mines and brown coal power plants that were all built along the area - it was actually named the Black Triangle.
The environmental problem was the biggest issue in the late 80s and at the beginning of the 90´s...nowadays not any longer, but it seems that some people miss the point....so many persons left this region to move West: Germans to Western Germany, Polish and Vyech moved a bit western...it seems like that the famous "Best minds of the last Generation" left this areas and that the few people who are still doing stuff here live in this sort of idealistic and metaphysical regional pessimism...
All the others seem to be very passive or nostalgic of the past...

I am going to sleep...it is more than a month that Imout or awake till late...now it is too late to make the things changing but my legs are tremblig so I need some sleep...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Was ist Kultur?

This was the question they posed us today...
Yesterday I went to Buchenwald and I i saw people smoking 50 meters from the Krematorium, people taking picture of their parents inside the Lager, people playing the prisoner game between the two sides of the cage that used to close off the world from that Hell...
I saw people moving the stones who are laid down in the ground next to a commemorative grave...
I never felt so fucking away from this world as in the five minutes during all these things happpen...I cried like it never happened to me before...and I could not stop weeping, I could not tell them anything, I could not even move from there...
I got so pessimistic but fortunately I did not feel alone...one of the wonderful persons organising this seminar was fortunately there and was so helpful to me....
I think we are really losing our souls...and at the same time we think that our culture is not (mostly or only?) a language or the sleeping times, cooking or flirting...
But it seems to be a very unpopular way of thinking...
I miss my friends and my parents so much today.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

seminar for music player?

Since I am here in Weimar I play my guitar more than two hours a day...
We have a lot of free time and I do not sleep that much...
As I read in an article that early this morning (it dealt with the checkpoints between the Palestinian and the Israeli areas): the important thing is trying not to lose your soul...

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Days go by

So the seminar is getting more interesting...you get in touch with the people and you get to learn something new...
I got barely drunk on tTuesday night...a bottle of Jägermeister conquered me in thesupermarketand now it is almost empty in the room...I do not sleep well since ages, I'd say, but since few days I do not even sleep that much...
It is a pain in the ass...and the weather sucks a bit too much...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Weimar: the Mother Land of German Geezers

When I was in the bus yesterday,I could hardly find a person younger than 70 years old...though I i talked with a 90 years old man who actually was fighting the war (the second) in Italy...he defined Italy a gentle country but Ii wondered what it could mean since when he was that the country was torn apart and divided...whatever...
No way to sleep here: I woke up at six and nobody was awaken in this centrum...fortunately I had stolen my flat-mate's guitar so at least I could play somw stuff, listening to the rain...kind of depressing though...
It will be a long day....

Saturday, August 26, 2006

No more Schawarma this week but the nightmares kept on coming...it is a kind of habit of my friday nights: last night as well...I went to bed at 4 and I woke up at 8.30 with the same unpleasant feeling of every saturday morning...
This week run so fast: my parents came here last tuesday...in the end I have been either working or spending time with them...always in a kind of hurry.
I need a break...and maybe I need to get away from here for a couple of weeks...

I am kind of sentimental today and not in such a good mood...I hope that the Rembrandt exhibition we are going to visit will emprove it...

Sunday, August 20, 2006

This morning, after having been thrown away from a pub in Mitte called Russian Coffee - not just me, though, we were all expelled - I had the crazy idea to walk on the way to the river...
It turned to be wonderful: even this city is empty for few hours a day and you can seat on a bench in a park in the very center and find nobobdy but birds lighted by the morning sun, American runners/joggers and empty beer bottles...the Dome, the River, the docks and the restaurants....everything was silent and peaceful...only two voices speaking in German...

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Schawarma and Nightmares

In this period I am filling my stomach with Schawarma...I mean: I had probably four of these delicious and fat meals last week...
On the other side I collected two very bad nightmares in six days: I do not remember my dreams that often but I´d say I usually don´t have so many bad dreams...
This morning I woke up at 11 - I went to bed at 5 - with a very annoying feeling...and I remember all the shit of the dream...she was the main character and I was among those who could just watch all the thing...

Are the two things connected? Hmm...I would say not...next week Ill try with some Falafel to see if there are emprovements on the quality of my dreams...
Hope that everybody is fine...I am going to work...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The time runs so fast...Megan was here for three days and it seemed that she stayed just a day and a half...we went to this Twilight Singers concert and it was definitely good...really amazing...and there was a surprise during the concert: M. Lanegan sang some songs with Greg Dulli...great!
Then the day after we went to a classic music concert for this Young Euro Classic...it was an orchestra from Norway and they played quiet good, I would say...

I work with my children and everything is OK...it is a bit tiring, I have to say, but you can see that they learn something everyday...

I will go to Weimar in a week...for twelve days because of a seminar...
...then I have the chance to go to Eastern Germnay, not far from Goerlitz, for a ten days environmental project...we should travel by bike between the German Goerlitz, the Polish one and Zittau...sounds interesting...in the end the places that somebody had to visit - but he could not - always come back...In the end I won´t go to any warm place: no beach no sea no real holydays...but these things should be fun...
I beg your pardon but my English is getting worse and worse...my German emproves slowly...but it emproves...

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Noch mal...

This week as weel I have been working a bit too much...I feel like I do not have so much time for myself...but in the end I read a lot on the train on the way to my job and on the way back...I play music with my room-mate and I love this city deeper and deeper - why are you not here, damned!?.

Two days ago I had a conversation with a girl and I had to say something definitely important: she said I could explain myself in English but I realized I would have felt so unnatural...so I did my best with German and it worked out...

I hear so many stories that could be easily labelled as border-line. Weird developments for funny situations...or weird situations with possible funny developments...probably just a question of point of view...

I read on an Italian newspaper´s on-line edition that G.Grass, when interviewed by a German newspaper, declared that he was in the SS for a short period of his life...that is weird at least. Another funny development...( Read Mein Jahrhundert and Die Blechtrommel, guys...the read is worth a small period of anybody´s life).

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Scaring numbers for stressed lungs

I calculated that, on the average, I smoke 8030 cigarettes a year. It means something like 23 days and a half (every day made of 24 hours) of simple smoking. It is ridicolous...considering the economic aspect of the thing, it means I spend yearly 1300 € (or more) a year in cigarettes...there is an open fly-ticket to travel twelve months around the world (but only round the clock) that costs 1300€...I should travel eleven months, find the country where the cigarettes are the cheapest and spend there the last three weeks, just smoking...ah ah...

Monday, August 07, 2006

Flying cheap in September is harder than believing Mr. Bush is smart

No easy and cheap ways to fly south in September...so I bought tickets for a couple of concerts here in Berlin...Tex Perkins (TNT) in few days and the Twilight Singers next week...

Sunday, August 06, 2006

So here we are now

I have been working with the very young children the last week as well. There are new entries in the kindergarten and these new children, as already posted, are more complicated, obviously: new environment, missing their parents, crying a lot, and needing more attention. But after the first few days they got used and turned to be Ok, sweet and great.
The thing is that they are not used to that so they get tired very soon. On Wednesday I was with this C. and other 8 children in the garden (kind of stressing because it is not easy to look after 8 little mouses walking all the time: but it is fun). After twenty minutes she started to cry and there was no way to make her stop: too tired. So I said the teacher that I would have brought her upstairs in our rooms where the babies were. I embraced her - she suddenly stopped crying - and started to walk away from the garden. Suddenly all the kids followed me on the way to the doorstep, all of them: I had not called them or said: "Hey, sweethearts we go upstairs" though. It was like I had a small flute, a silent small German flute.... They trust me. I can play with them and at the same time they think I can protect them. And this feeling is awesome.
N., almost nine months old, learnt to walk last weekend: she walked to me last monday. She cried non-stop every time I went to the garden with the other .- and she could not - until Friday, when I brought her with me downstairs too: there she was peaceful and satisfied.
I am really enjoying the whole thing so far...I guess this is clear.

I have been working 39 hours in the last three days...a personal record I would say...but this weekend has been nice: my sister is here with a bunch of people from Barcelona.
On friday night the people at the restaurant moved from their tables to the bar because of the music I played: it was totally cool!
Then I went to a Karaoke bar with some other people until 6 in the morning...I think wé did a good job with Jealous guy by John Lennon and with Wish You Were Here...the rest was aweful...

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

New entries in the kita

The same name and a polish surname, a complicated personality, two big blue eyes...
Today was a tough day...

Sunday, July 30, 2006

I have been working with the very young children this week...What means very young? From 5 months old till two years and a half...it is fun but it is not really for me: I like to be there and to play with them, to hug them when they are scared or the cry too long, and to see how spontaneous they are and how much curious but I want to do some activity with the children and not just play with them and wash them three times a day...

Anyway the teachers are happy with me: this woman who works with this group weights probably 150 kilos...I am not joking...and it is incredible to see her taking a baby who is probably 8 kilos...Nele is 8/9 months old...she is so peaceful...not scared by me from the very first day...After the lunch I usually take her, wash her, bring her to her box-bed..she needs to be caressed for five minutes - maybe ten, I have no perception of time while I am there - on her head and then she falls asleep: deeply, like she could find anytime this resort, this hidden place she is the only one who knows where, that absorbs and relaxes the whole of her...the teachers say: "You´ll be a good father, etc..." with this typical female tone - no negative accent -...I do not agree...

On Wednesday a girl had some high fever and she went back home earlier, on Thursday three babies had high fever and left sooner: on Friday Marco(!) - who had asked and got a day of holyday, because a friend came to visit him - got the fever...and he had to work in the evening...
So I spend the weekend home: watching movies - the offer of my flat-mate is depressing - and sleeping...
I am going to play some music with my friend today: I´ll find myself playing something for you, for sure.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Anstrengend

Hrabal writes at some point of a book that men are like olives - Sophia sang that men are like seasons: nice song -: they give their best when they are under pressure...it is supposed to be a sentence taken by Lao Tzi...but the origin it is not so clear...Hrabal used to drink a lot, as his characters...memories get mixed up, like mine after yesterday night...

The thing is that last night I slept three hours or maybe less, today I went to work and I actually felt ok until one o´ clock, when I almost fell asleep watching a cartoon with my kids - Aladdin and the King of Thieves or something like that...after that the time run kind of fast...

Leonie, a two years and a half old girl, run to me this morning just to say hello...and she hug me very spontaneously...it was the first time she was so open with me - usually she cries a bit when her mother leaves her there and keeps the finger in her mouth for hours...today she even asked me to bring her to the toilet...it is stupid to feel satisfied for such a thing? "Hey I have to pee, come with me!"...no in the end I do not think so...

I do not feel tired at all now...just a bit over-something that I still have to define...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

My flat-mate is away for two months

anybody is interested?
...I went to the exhibition of the students of the UDK - Universität der Künste - today...a friend studies there but she could not come along with me...that was actually a pity because I would have probably enjoyed the whole thing much more....anyway it has been interesting...and stimulating as well...

Sunday is my only free day...with these two jobs time runs really fast and it is not easy to cope with all the things I would like to...but I keep my mind busy and that is good...
Life is not stressy, that is for sure...but, on the other side, it is not so easy to get used to this new life style: waking up at 6.30 is kind of tough...days are really long but they pass by fast...

In the end I won´t go to Turkey: I talked with some people and realized that it is not the right place for me now...need something different...Croatia or Sicily seems more tuned with my wishes...but in the end I will go somewhere alone...everybody is busy in that period...

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Time goes by....

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Distorted Temporal Perception

Sunday afternoon without any plan for the next two hours...I managed to avoid any contact with the Love Parade yesterday...nice...

Two months are gone...fast or slow? I can´t say...Am I lazy?
I had hoped that, at least this time, the 2+2=5 thing could have worked: "only four days are gone but it seems like they have been five"; "only four weeks are gone but it seems like they have been 5"...
...it never worked out...this time I cross my fingers with months...it would actually be cool if the result was not: "2+2=0", as it happens so far...
Mal sehen...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Einfach so...

I owe my blog a post about the World Championship...I will do it in the future...
After a week in the kindergarten, I have already conquered a girl, who declared her love to me, yesterday in the morning...I did my best not to laugh: I guess she would have felt hurt to some extent...

...but the best happening of yesterday was winning the confidence of another small girl, three years old: Joanne...big blue eyes and a funny way to walk...when I went to my class at eight thirty in the morning, she was having her breakfast: she could not stop wondering while looking at me, but she did not trust me at any point...she did not want to leave her actual teacher, not even for a second...so the time passed by until we went to the garden for their open air games session...it looks like a Fellini´s movie: sixty kids (maybe more, maybe less) moving non-stop, like electrons around the nucleus (if you know how fast they go, you do not where they are; if you know where they are, you do not know how fast they go...), without a clear aim but with so much energy that is incredible...my duty was to take care of those among the youngest who wanted to play with the slide...after a while, like a table-tennis-ball, she went close to me...I proposed her to have a ride in the slide, I offered her my hand, she took it and for half an hour she was holding it (or my trousers) non-stop...smiling and yelling: every time she was standing up on the slide, she literally threw her arms to me...she could be the perfect allegory of the Truth: she is, actually...also because when her teacher told her that she had to go upstairs, she showed off all her disappointment...but she came back with me, mourning a bit, in a Gramelot language that will never be translated...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Always the same good hopes, as before every single summit...

Should we believe a quarter of what is written in this article? I do not, actually, and I found it annoying...
Mr. Putin´s Good Will

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Fairy Tales, games, water-games, cards-games, talks - in a language that is German till a certain point...everytime I make them smile, I think I did a good choice, once more..it won´t be forever but it is definitely like breathing fresh air every single damned morning...

Monday, July 10, 2006

First day as volunteer, first day without the World-Championship

A kid, red hair and nice and funny smile, with the t-shirt of the German National football team, tells me: "My hair-cut is as cool as yours, no?" And then, after a while, he asked:" Why did not you play with us before but with that girl? Would you like to?".
Just flashes...the impressions were many, the kids cool, the weather too hot and too dry...
But it finally started, fortunately.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Die Rache

It is probably likely that Mr. B. (Banana, Bullshit-teller, Breaker of the rules...) has not respected the rules this time as well and it is very easy to imagine too that he will never accept the final decision of the trial - if it will ever gets till the end.
That could actually be just a Mr. B´s problem, but there would be also some tens million people who would agree with his views...

There is, there was an urgent need for change in Italy, and somehow it seems that some politicians, but just some..., got to the idea that if they do not implement some reforms, many citizens will lose any trust in the system, and not just until the next electoral campaign...
It was already discovered that the Italian fiscal evasion was as high as the total amount of money that the State spends yearly for the Health-Insurance System: ridicolous...in the last weeks it seems that few politicians - with some form of governmental power though - started to consider the issue worth to be discussed...

But the thing is that most of the political debate concerns the mistakes of the other side, or the lack of consistency of the political enemies: the political programs, some plans for the future, an idea on how the system should be, are all lacking...Italians voted twice in five years in order to have some forms of consitutional reforms: both times the reforms were refused, because they definitely were one´s side reforms...this attitude reverberates all around, across the country: there are trials, there are scandals, there are people - our representatives - insulting people who have already insulted somebody else...and it is not just a question of vocabulary...
In this insane environment, every time Mr. B. is processed, the reasons, because of which he is there, become smaller and inside of me a feeling rises again: ok, somebody is trying to get a (temporary) revenge...next time the roles will be switched...
If you look at the Italian political debate thinking about the revenge,you can undersand many more events, definitely true...and sad as well...
Let us wait and see what´is going on...my list of wishes is not so long...but still...

Saturday, July 08, 2006

There an astonishing lack of figurative contents in my blog...in my room as well, actually...

Friday, July 07, 2006

Few days ago a good friend of mine sent me a postcard that made me think somehow...it was at first sight nothing special...a long road that seemed to be an highway of some south-western state of US: written in big letters, on this highway picture, a sentence that sounded like: "If you walked in the middle of the road, you´d risk to be hitten by the cars on both sides". A Margareth Thatcher statement, oh my God...
True, of course...I even got the subtle - not that subtle , actually - message behind it...but then today while I was sitting in my new favourite restaurant in Berlin (you would love it) - a place that could be easily put in some southern European villages and nobody would say it does not fit - at four in the afternoon, waiting for some wind that never came (today Berlin scored 35 or 36 degrees...), it happened to me to read, once more, a sentence taken by I. Kant. It is: "The Starry Sky Above Me and the Moral Law Within Me". Ok, it is taken out of its context: the meaning (my meaning: I got some classes of philosophy at the high-school for three years but I hated my teacher as much as Margareth Thatcher probably) is that every person has, during his life, to cope between these two boundaries, these two already given realities, these two starting points somehow...in the book I was reading at that moment, this sentence was wonderfully placed and so consistent with the story - Hrabal; Inzerat na dum ve kterem uz nechi bydlet (obviously translated in Italian), that it made me make a connection with the postcard...

Probably it is easy to live standing on the side of the road, looking for a taxi or staring at the riders, but it´d be kind of boring...no?
Im not gonna make a revolution, obviously, but I am definitely subversive according to Mrs. Thatcher´s standards, and not only according to them...easy actually...but anyway true...
I do not want to wait until my side of the street turns to be interesting or stimulating...I hate to entertain myself only with stupid conversations if I do them with people I consider(ed) to be special...
The stars are not always wonderful enough, and the moral law is probably ever-changing, at least in its particular aspects, but please, please, please, let´s get rid of the common sense...at least with the people and with the things we really care about...
You got it?

P.S. I am not gonna do any outing: I am not gay and I´ll never be...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Sleeping seems to be a sort of impossible task...but it is probably a waste of time with such a good weather...going to school...days and weeks run so fast, has anybody ever been to Turkey? I am thinking about going there in September, seems much easier to reach from here...and it is probably cool to spend some millions for a dinner at the seaside...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Words are so important...the choice of them...the use of them...

Sunday, July 02, 2006

When you see double (thank you bar-man: meine 6 Getränke waren eingeladen), but you cannot sleep...when you could be the happiest person of this world, but some circumstances tell you that it is not possible...when you work a lot, but you never feel tired so there is no way to sleep (once more), when, when, when...you just need to write some bullshits on your blog...

Friday, June 30, 2006

...

I actually try my best when I feel like I am not so frightening with girls...twice I was successful with two girls who were probably too much forward to understand what was going on - the day after no memory or some confused flashes at best: the first was almost dead the day after - while the third time I realized this girl flirted with me a lot, and not just tonight, but she was actually coming out from a three years relationship with another girl...
I am definitely not close minded - maybe selfish - but I definitely want somebody just for me, only for me, something that I know I enjoy alone and deeply and as nobody else (theoretically)...still possible...?

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Mein erstes Girokonto!

I finally have my bank account...it is not such a big thing but I am very proud of it and I am sure I can just live out of myself for the next nine months at least...

So toll!!!

Marthe is coming in one hour!!!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Thank you, Der Spiegel

It is not possible to read this article from this newspaper anylonger (thank you Noemi anyway)...the editor decided that it was too dumb or not enough politically correct...instead of it there is a formal apology...the sense of it was very annoying anyway...something like italy = pasta, lazyness and machos, or something worse: you always take advantage of somebody else...

On the TV as well, it is annoying to see that when they report some news about some crimes or people arrested for some Mafia crimes, they always put a plate full of pasta just behind the main picture, with the colours of our national flag: pasta, tomato and basil...
I felt somehow involved mostly because I had subscribed to the english newsletter of this newspaper and I found it interesting from time to time...i actually sent a mail to unsubscribe and i got the formal apology of the newspaper in ten minutes...i won´t unregister in the end...but please, Leute, please...

Otherwise what else in the next articles, Herr Achim Achilles? The French (all of them, obviously) eat just smelly cheese, the English (all of them, obviously) have no humour, the Spanish (all of them, obviously) sleep the whole afternoon...every American shoots with his gun every second minute...and the Germans...?

Bullshits once more...? No, please...

Reading italian magazines

I read an article about the work of this photographer, Joel Sternfeld, only 20 minutes ago: his last work has been a research over the "Communes" in the USA: those still existing, those become museums, those fallen apart...seems interesting...have a look...

Monday, June 26, 2006

Sunday...a day started with an annoying headache...probably because of a bad white wine drunk at three in the morning in a friend´s house the day before...this friend, this girl, is also a colleague of mine in the restaurant and she is the only person (together with my Italian friend) I can have a nice and real conversation with...she studies illustration or design...not sure how to say that in this language...it was a very nice evening...working with her first and then talking a lot in german: the whole with a lot of alcohol...so actually she talked much more than me...but it was one of the best evenings of the last two months...no flirt ( even if she is so beautiful)....just talks and new inputs...and I heard a lot of new German words too - which are now almost all forgotten...

While today I played table tennis, saw three quarters of two football matches - you are somehow compelled to do that here and it is fun by the way - and travelled a lot by car through the center of the city...imagine: eight o´clock in the evening, the sun still high enough to make you sweat, long streets, huge building and a lot of new streets that i had not seen yet...and then the river, and all the other small channels all around the city...if I have ever needed a further motivation to be here - I did not actually - this late afternoon was perfect...I even enjoyed the Doors at the radio in the car...really unglaublich...
But here we are: two in the morning, tired but unable to sleep...fortunately I am home since two hours ago...Hrabal waits for me...
A nice week to the whole of you, ungefähr...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ana and Bojana left today...the days went fast and i was really busy, actually...it is such a great pleasure to see that some friends you were deeply in touch with a long time before, are still persons with whom you can talk about anything...and it is a wonderful feeling too...hodne stesty!
the language is a problem for sure, I am not an idiot, but should we consider that the people who do not speak our own language should be put in some second-class cathegory friends or lovers or whatever they could be for us...of course not, damned...

...but i know that you said that just to hide yourself once more behind the truth - if you ever were sure of something, poor naive human being...I guess you were, so it is definitely worse...

I guess children are much more used to misunderstandings...it could be even said that till a certain age they learn also - mostly would be too much and unfair too - through mistakes...probably we learn through mistakes and new tries, changes and developments...the whole life...i guess I repeat myself...yeah in this period my developments are small, few ans slow...but i am on the move...
just finished the Cement Garden by McEwan, while the Daydreamer was ended four days ago...the first is definitely better than the second...but still they are both good enough to be read...

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

When the cliché gets temporarly smaller

Germany has just won against Ecuador (come on, Ecuador...) but I can hear from this internet point all these cars travelling and making noise as if all the girls of Berlin got married, all at the same time this afternoon...

In these last days the Argentinian players and some people from the staff complained of the German weather during this World Championship: too hot, they say...(maybe all the players of Argentina come from Patagonia this time...but I doubt about it)...Brasil turned to play a very European and unjoyful soccer, while Germany, very often considered a team who defends most of the time, showed an offensive attitude (not a lot of techinque but a will to play this way)...just few examples to say that this WM, if ever has it some positive effects, made some people think about the people of some other countries under a different view...
I was talking (in German, darling...)with a man yesterday about this kind of clichés and prejudices that surrounds and fills so many conversations between foreign people: somebody over here was surprised that many Turks are actually cheering up for Germany everythime the team plays...this man rightly stated that it is more a question of integration of these people in this country...at a very superficial level, for sure, but still it is something...and this is the point...
The thing is how much of this positive input will last longer than July, the 9th...probably not that much...the surrounding environment of this Championship could be easily described with three words: beer, money and sex for money...which taken all together, with football, do not give so much hope for a positive development...I guess...
This crazy hot month in here should be forgotten for its soccerish feature and remembered for the possibilities it gave to people to be more curious about what surrounds them...a sort of starting point to be suddenly forgotten, then...
But it won´t be like that...
There is nothing wrong when every kid wants to play soccer, obviously, but it is kind of sad to see that so many of these kids just want to do that...
In my new school there is a guy from Iceland who is actually able to talk and to think only about soccer and soccer players....he is like some other thousands people I saw in these days...
When a player like Ballack - a sort of new Odino for German people but a very depressing football player - gets 178000 € a week, there is definitely something wrong...and since this is not the first World Championships, things are not gonna change for the best...they will talk about his money and his new girlfriend afterwards for sure...and we will go back to the usual superficial conversation that we daily experience...

Only three this time...

Lali Puna: Faking the Books (side A mostly);
Band of Horses: Everything all the time;
Townes Van Zandt: Townes Van Zandt (1969!);

Monday, June 19, 2006

When I look at such a blog, I have the feeling mine is worth existing...
Mein Gott

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Question

If I went to Greece in September, who would like to come with me?
Books, Olives, Feta, Ouzo or any kind of alcohol stronger than 10%, fish, sea and backgammon.
Otherwise Sardiny: in September for an unknown (to me) reason, the water gets warmer than any other period of the summer: the main difference would be that you have to forget about Feta and Ouzo, but at the same time you would enjoy Bottarga, Pecorino and the wildest region of Italy...

Saturday, June 17, 2006

17th June: three months in here

So another month went by...I had planned to party both for this reason and for another one...but things changed and my party turned into a stupid and expectable three-words-and-a-half SMS...in the end I am going to work, watching people watching Italy playing against USA...
Ana, Bojana and Bojana´s boyfriend are here in Berlin since the day before yesterday...so far it is a pity I am too busy to spend some time with them but fortunately they are gonna stay here till next thursday...
I just want this day to end as fast as possible...I recently have this will very often .

Friday, June 16, 2006

Flied Lies

When there were only Italian people with German knowledge, telling me that my German was emproving kind of fast, I could easily disagree and think that they had a bias (but you need somebody who pushes you forward, no...?)...when a Romanian taxi driver, more than tipsy, told me the same once, at three in the morning, on his ´80s Mercedes, I did not find him convincing (but he is my favourite taxi driver anyway so far); when a client, a young doctor (man, unfortunately) flirted with me at the restaurant and stated my German is veeeeery good, considering that only 6 weeks were gone by, I could definitely get the trick...
But when I go to a new language school - this time paid by the EU - and I am placed in the second level, I finally get some satisfaction for my self; at the same time a tiny rage scratches my stomach...all these language problems are B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T-S, as far as people can also do some other things together, not just talk or debate over the new balance of power among the states in the Far-East Asia...and last but not least, everybody is able to learn and emprove: that is the mos important difference (my personal opinion) between human beings and mosquitos or any other living creature: we are able to learn the whole fucking life...

A rich volunteer

I started my project today...the hottest day of this soccerish - new word? - Berlin summer...I start to mix up German and English words...
My relatives gave me some money, my parents as well...I work a lot - too much perhaps, but it is the only way I found (together with reading) to stop thinking about the same things - so I got a lot a lot of money in the last week...and I spent 140 € in books as well...
I have never been so tired since ages, never been so empty as well...but that is good, I feel like I want to feel myself with something new and I am sure this something is just behind the corner of this amazing town...
Th eonly complication is that my stomach is so fucked up...a good summary of the reason why it is so is this amazing song by Morrissey: it is in the last album - which actually was in one of my top-fives. Listen to it and get the lyrics here please.
A nice weekend to you all. guys, and to the volunteers of this world as well...

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Germany won...Spain as well...
Yesterday, before a match, the Southern Korean National Anthem was played twice: both for Southern Korea and for Togo...
German people have some difficulties to party even when their beloved national team unfairly wins...but since they have problems to realize both that misbehaving is not an act to be proud of, and that the important thigs are those you say, not those you hide, it is not such a big news...
Already read another book by Cormac McCarthy, one by Mc Ewan almost finished...
I should start a top five of the books....

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Please, my few bloggers, tell me if you think I am acting out as a desperate dude in my posts recently...
For those who miss the point: Meaning of acting out

Monday, June 12, 2006

Three times in half a day:

"Hey, what's up?"
"Hey, I am fine, kind of tired though, but fine and you?"
"Good, thanks. Nice to know that you are doing all right...but you are sooooo slim. What happened?!!"

Annoying...the answer should be: "Nothing...", but actually something should have happened, no...?
Annoying the question as well....

Almost time to pack

I leave tomorrow...these two days run very fast...and I could sleep a bit more than before...the thing is that the tiredness is just coming out, no way to get rid of it.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Tourist in Venice...

I have been here almost two days and I have the feeling I am a tourist...somehow...
No...that is not the point: the point is I can't stand this place too long for three different reason:
1.I am not seventy years old, with a ridicolous pension;
2.I am attracted by other destinations;
3.Even this place reminds me of something so beautiful and so intense that I think I need a new New Year's Eve to drop the memories away...
This would be probably called a morbid way of thinking: I could agree with that...
Venice by night sucks...and I am caught with my memories..maybe it is too soon...
I am getting a one-thought-man...

Saturday, June 10, 2006

In Venice....

I am back home...meeting people...a good friend will be father soon: a good piece of news!
I have a lot to post, but no time right now...
Take care you all...

Friday, June 09, 2006

No newspapers today...just looking up pages on the web...

1
2

Does anybody know any song by Something Corporate? I do not know any...any tip?... bullshit, cheesy, awesome, ok, boring...?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

One hour and almost fourty minutes of sleep: I am not emproving...a shower...a tea...a walk and a coffee...kids going to school (there are even those older kids who are the traffic controllers in front of the entrance: orange jackets and red stick in their hands...), sleepy and silent clients of a coffee-bar...The Air on air...my book...
I probably look more obliterated now than if I had a big hangover: and I have athe feeling I look like a disturbed dude walking on the streets...but I feel productive...I also fear I´ll get sick soon...maybe when I´ll be back in Venice in two days...that would be fucking annoying...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Stupid song...but it sticks in my mind since a week...

Mia – Tanz der Moleküle

Ich bin hier, weil ich hier hin gehör'
Von Kopf bis Fuß bin ich verliebt
Du bist mutig weil du mir Treue schwörst
Zwischen all den schönen Souvenirs
Sprich mich an,
in dem Takt,
der dieses Lied zu unser'm Hit macht
Brich den Beat,
mit Gefühl.
Du bist so schön weil du lachst
Mein Herz tanzt
Und jedes Molekül bewegt sich
Glaubst du wie ich daran,
Dass alles gut sein kann,
Solange wir zusammen sind?
Brich das Eis,
mit dem Schritt,
Der jedes Atmen zum Wagnis macht.
Halt mich fest,
mit Gefühl.
Es ist so schön wenn du lachst.
Mein Herz tanzt
und jedes Molekül bewegt sich
Mein Herz tanzt
und jedes Molekül bewegt sich
Und jedes Positron entlädt sich
Mein Herz tanzt
und jedes Molekül bewegt sich
und mein Herz tanzt
und jede Faser biegt und dreht sich
Mein Herz tanzt,
und mein Herz tanzt,
Mein Herz tanzt.
Du, mein Herz...

Early enough to be already tired

Maybe because of some astronomical interactions, maybe because the bed is too big and I definitely became too thin - where are you...... - maybe because I had slept long enough, probably because of a very annoying dream, anyway, guys, I woke up at half past six this morning...nice...but not so good when if you start sleeping after half past two...fortunately today the sun shines, the bycicles returned to be the favourite mean of transportation in here, while the WM is not started yet...
I think it was the first time since ages that I was walking in the streets so early in the morning, but not on the way home...it seems that my neighbourhood hosts many students: it is indeed almost impossible to find a nice coffee-shop open before nine ´clock in the morning...
I had a view at the menu of this place which finally opened, and I ordered the English breakfast: the worst decision ever, probably...my stomach is even more pissed since two hours ago...
But fortunately the sun conquered my body sitting on the chair, bit by bit and it finally caressed my cheeks and kissed my eyes...I read for two hours probably...
Thanks to a couple of friends I have over here, I discovered this American author, Cormac McCarthy...I would have never imagined that I could enjoy so much this kind of literature...but it happened: I read the first book by him - the last he wrote, I guess - in one night...and I am already inside the story of the second...
His harsh style, his morbid and violent descriptions of the landscape, together with his ability to fill short dialogues with stimulating ideas conquered me...and the plot of the first novel was definitely catching...The Cohen Brothers are going to make a movie out of it...I am looking forward to that...
Ill get a coke now, maybe it helps...
Have a nice day you all...tschüssi...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Last night I failed again...I probably give the feeling I am crazy...

Monday, June 05, 2006

The book I began last night and ended early this morning

Stories are handed down and the thuth is cheated. As the common sense says. And probably there is somebody who thinks that this means that the thruth is not strong enough. But he is wrong. From my point of view, after all the lies are told and forgotten, the truth still stands there. It goes nowhere and does not change in a moment. It cannot be corrupted, as much as you cannot salt the salt. It cannot be corrupted because it is what it is. It is the thing we are talking about. I heard somebody who compared it to a rock - maybe in the Bible - and I would agree with that. But the truth will stay here when the rock won´t. I am sure that somebody would not agree with this idea. A lot of people, actually. But I have never managed to understand what these people believe in.

Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men, p. 100.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sunday

Today there is the festival of cultures in the big street just behind my house (it means parades and music, beers and caipi to go ...)...it also means I woke up because of the noise of the people: the street is packed so they walk through mine for a shortcut...not such a big deal though...but I fell asleep at eight in the morning so I needed some more hours of sleep probably...and I have to work...
I escaped from the my neighbourhood, I fought in the first metro I took, over-crowded because of the festival...
But in the second one, I found my seat...It is around 5 in the afternoon...my stomach reminded me we had no food since the day before (it actually started some forms of protest since few days ago...I guess that if I do not change, he will strike for a day at least)...so I told him we were on the way to have some food...
So I was thinking about this, about the shitty day and the thoughts as usual when a girl, twenty years old probably looked at me...she had a very original way of dressing, she probably reminded me a sweet rabbit - you know the two big teeth coming out of the upper lip...and big good eyes...the metro is travelling and she gets straight my direction, she has a camera who looks like a marine rifle...she sits in front of me and asks in German: "I want to take pictures of you. I study photography and blah blah.."
I said that it was OK for me, I had no force to say no and no reason as well, probably... but the funny thing is that she said: "Please, I want you as you were two minutes before". To me it meant: "Hey, please look desperate again..."
Its been the second time somebody asked me for portraits...the first time I was in a pub and this man wanted me to shoot two self portraits...a month ago probably...this guy lives out of his job...
Seems like my sadness is a charming subject for photographers...
I wonder how the picture look like...Ill never know...but I am getting used to these ignorance about things I would like to know...

So it seems this language gap is a bigger problem than I expected...not just for me...but for some people who read the last posts...Ill think about it and Ill make up my own version soon, hopefully...

Friday, June 02, 2006

No Netherlands...

I had planned to go to the Netherlands this week-end but in the end some complications arose...my job for example...Ill be working from today to tuesday every night...and since monday is another National Holyday, sunday evening will probably be another of those supercrowded days...but it is fun somehow...and it keeps me busy...
A nice week-end to all of you guys...

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Abstinence crisis

I am wordless...I meet with people and I can stand a conversation, the people I talk with laugh and enjoy my stories...but there is no way for me to enjoy theirs...mine are about the past...and all of them are as informations...there is nothing personal in them...it is like talking about the tv shows or the latest sport results...
My very life started to be totally separated from the life I tell to people...yes becomes "I do not know" and the inner wishes I have are closed between me and my stubborness...but in the end everyday I am so tired, already in the morning I am so fucking done with the day...

life´s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

These word are at least five hundred years old...I know them by heart because my teacher of English Literature was, is, a marveillous person...and because Shakespeare is one of the few things this humanity should not throw away...ever...
...I find no peace with me...I feel too far away from the actual reality...I am not living in a confident way in this world...I feel twice a stranger here...and I would probably feel twice a stranger anywhere else...

it seems like people get the easiest way for a temporary pleasure...they know -or they could know if the thought about it - this pleasure will be full of troubles, side effects, complications and probably hurting as well (for them and for the people around them), but they do not want to get through unpleasant conversations, annoying situations (After all, they would look as small problems)...problems are forbidden, problems annoy this world, come on, why do you pose a problem...come on, jerk, take it easy...
...even if complications are sure, they are forbidden...if they come tomorrow, nobody gives a fuck...today is today, they think...and they have already forgotten about yesterday...
But tomorrow you are yourself, still...and you have to cope with yourself...the thing is that I feel I try to do it and I do not like myself when I do it, every single damned morning...

I always thought that the following sentence is an axiom for my personality: if you are not in peace wih yourself, you can´t be in peace with anybody
It is egoistic as much as this way of behaving I described few lines above, for sure...but at least there is right there, clear and written in big letters, this need for truth and understanding...
And obviously I thought I could totally explain myself with few persons, those I loved - in different ways, obviously, but still that was the point...
I am powerless because I failed so many times already that I have no wish to do that anylonger, probably...Ill keep the few I have and Ill try to find out the mistakes I made - for sure I did! - in order to change this point of view...
So, you see, I am still positive...I think about developments but since I do not see a lot of them, I am so scared of the final results...being positive is such a superficial idea, such a common assessment, such an empty word...I like better when people are crazy from the very beginning...but people, on the average, just drive you crazy for a while and then they throw you on the ground...like drugs...exactly the same...
This world will be fucked up by drugs...I drink a lot, sure...this post is probably a good example, unbedingt...but I am not addicted to that...probably.
....my personal drug has Name and Surname...but there is no dealer...just some other clients

it seems like I get the easiest way for lasting hurts...

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Main events of the day: an essay by a very leftish Italian priest of the fifties, another lesson over the German irregular verbs (schreiben, schrieb, geschrieben...zum Beispiel), work, a kind of date missed - the second in two days (fortunately the person is not the same)! - Americanos and Vodka sours the whole evening and night as helps to get some rest with the eyes closed later on...
From 1 to 5 I would rate this day with a full 2!
Since yesterday it would have been a 1, I cannot complain...no?

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Already crowded...

Tourists are somehow invading the city...and the World Championship is yet to come...I went to Mitte - the center today and I could hardly get inside the subway...
I saw a photo exhibition done by a friend, together with other six photographers...Sichbewegung was its name...it could probably be translated as "Exploration"...whatever...
I turned to be less interesting than I expected...and the general mood of the photos was really sad and nichilistic somehow...my friend did a work on her own relationship with her boyfriend...he lives in Italy, she lives in Berlin...it knocked me down somehow...but I found it too personal, probably...fortunately for them he is here now and plans to move in Berlin too...
A temporary happy end is taking place...lucky them.
I go to work...have you all a nice sunday, guys, you too.

Friday, May 26, 2006

B.R.M.Club : The Line

This song is amazing and the lyrics, man, the lyrics are so perfect with the music...so fitting...it´s a masterpiece...I played it tonight at work...last time I did it, a woman told me: "Cool music!" because of this song...probably she did not pay attention to the lyrics...but the lyrics and the music fit so well together, damned!
Get it! And enjoy the whole album, please...I heard it the first time last November and I do believe it is a masterpiece of this decade!

The Line

I am the line
I hold you near
There is no burden left to bear
I can't see clear
You're in suspension
You know no love
There is no story left to tell
You have no wisdom to pass on

I am the soul of absolution
No man can hide his own illusion
My hands are crippled from the pain
You are the splinter in my vain
You put your head between your hands
and understand nothing it adds
I feel the answers keep you scared
I've put the harm inside myself.

I am the line
I hold you near
There is no burden left to bear
I can't see clear
I am perfected
I know no void
I have no conscience to keep clear
I understand there's nothing more

You try to kid yourself with questions
Pleading inside for some correction
I found you tied unto the cross
Your judgement owns your every thought
You know my words all mean the same
You're begging to isolate
into this prison in your mind
Well, you were born without a spine


When did you stop caring?
When did you stop caring?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Have a look please

Annual Report
Then if you have time, read the more detailed informations...

Monday, May 22, 2006

New chart

Morrissey: Ringleader Of The Tormentors (Recorded in Rome!);
The Greenhornes: Dual Mono;
T. Monk: Monk plays Duke Ellington;
Turin Brakes: The Optimist (I am not that much right now);
J. J. Cale: 5.

Feelings

I feel as useless as the results of this work done by a Japanese researcher...
What For?
I hope he feels satisfied...Ich bin vertig.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Zwei Monate....schon!

It is already two months I am living in Berlin...they run so fast..everything passed by so fast...new house, new jobs, new language, new people, and fortunately this is not gonna finish soon: the very turning point of my stay is gonna start in June, with this European Voluntary Service...
I cannot imagine myself living somewhere else now...at least this is sure!
Just an example: today Ill probably go first to visit one exhibition of photography, then a vernissage+party in a gallery and then Ill go to a club with some other students of my language school...Berlin is obvoiusly not the only city where you can do that, but I like the way you can do it in here...
I am going back to Venice though, to see if this is totally true: Ill be there just for few days, so if anybody is interested in the World Cup/Berlin/Visiting me, please, try to avoid the days between the 10th and the 13th of June...Ill be back in my smelly lagoon with my family and my friends...
Take care you all, you too...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

But if you never try, you never know...it cannot be worse than this...
The mistake is your conviction that it would just get worse when this is the only thing that would not happen. By the way, worse that now...I wonder what it can be worse than this.

Zitty (www.zitty.de) sagte:

Sie haben mehr Sex. Mehr Spass. Singles haben das bessere Leben.Und sind schuld an allem. Schluss mit den Vorurteilen!

Hm... Hat Zitty Recht?

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Atonement

This is the title of the most wonderful book I read in the last year...it would easily be in the top five of all times if I ever did it...but I am probably too focused on some other matters to be very clear about that...I could make the chart of the biggest disappointments ever had though, but that would imply names and situations....and the net, though ridicolously wide and open, would be too narrow even for my need to speak clear anyway...I already feel emprisoned so even these 6 billions web pages - maybe more? - sound not safe to me yet...
Why this word then? Atonement...
It sounds very meaningful to me, first of all: there is connection with duties or mistakes/mis-evaluations you have done and that still have to be overtaken: it is somehow connected with the idea of self emprovement and development of yourself...
I think I have to cope with such a condition for the next future...in economical terms, if I was a common and cold bank officer, the situation could be defined as a market failure...you offer too much of something and you don´t realize there is no fucking demand of it...the market breaks up...no market...kaput...
The demand over here, apparently, is actually limited to one stand nights and promises that will be never fullfilled...I tried it and I could have often if I wanted...but this time at least I choose: I put myself in a market failure...cannot fullfill any demand...sorry...á l´allemande...
Being blindly sure that time (going by) is the thing, turned to be both the reason and the possible solution of my actual condition...it´s confusing, no? From now on either I change the premises of my way of interacting with people or I follow a dangerous and steep way to instant flashes of salvation of I choos a black and white evaluating system...
There are usually much more difficulties to be understood than we think, no? And the subtle and apparently peripherical aspects of a situation turn to be the focus of the whole in the end...this struggle between hopes and reality, between the main thing and the other bullshits all around it, is nowadays wildly shouting inside of me: you feel stupid because you missed some inputs and, at the same time, you over-evaluated some others; briefly: a mistake after the other...no way to find something deep or sure enough to keep all the pieces together...so far...
But I´d give the half of myself to be sure that there is no lies sold at the market of personal interactions...I guess it is stil possible...
I believed time was the solution because I thought I was the problem: not accountable or convincing enough...in the end time just made the whole more hurting and meaningless...and tremendously silent...silence, Still, silenzio...all the time...damned...in the end I am a problem just for myself: this is my Atonement.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Top five for the beginning of May

Anthony and the Johnsons: I am a Bird Now;
Beck: Meditations;
Bonnie Prince Billy: I see a Darkness;
Johnny Cash: American IV: The Man Comes Around ;
Cat Power: The Greatest.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

May the First

We went back home at seven thirty on monday morning...I had been working on sunday till two...after that I joined my friends in another place because our friend was actually playing his lps...it was fun!
The problems obvoiusly rose when I had to wake up the day after, Monday, May the first...we had a meeting at three in the afternoon and even if I could not sleep that long , I had no feel to move from my house for the next 2000 hours...
But then I went out and I had my first experience in a German Theather. The play was about love, rules and something else...a sort of musical though, really well done. The costumes and the lights fit sooo well to the whole that I think I could enjoy it more than my German knowledge would have let me.
A girl told me that this theather we went to was Brecht´s own theather after the end of the 2 WW. Nice no? Then we played Fußball for a while...we actually beat the ass of the people from the other restaurant! 5-0!
The best had yet to come though...around seven we took a boat and we drank beer on the Spree, enjoyed all the new buildings from Mitte to the new main train station, lighted by a faint spring sun...such a thing is touristic for sure but, whatever, it gives you the feeling that this city bith has changed and still changes: it is such an intense feeling...
The party kept on in a restaurant where I had oysters for the fist time in my life: I loved them...taste so good in a very specific way...
OranienStrasse, a famous street in the heart of Kreuzberg, was our final destination: there were more cops than people, everybody was kind of waiting the police to react and the atmosphere was unpleasant...I cannot understand why but anyway it seems like people love to destroy the places where they live, on May the first...very clever!

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Silence is easy. Starsailor meli pravda!

So the thing is: is it easier to profess confusion but keep the mouth closed though? Or talk and explain yourself?
Is it easier to profess revolution once a year - tomorrow is the first of May -than revolutionizing your life day by day and bit by bit?
Is it easier to keep just the pleasures and refuse the complications than to learn from the troubles in order to be better off next time?
Is it easier to be blindly idealistic about the most generic and utopistic issues of this complicated world - Neukölln ist Himmel! -or to try to get
the best and not just something for yourself, your life, the aims you chose and the people all around you?
When I go forwards, you go backwards, somewhere we will meet sang the Radiohead...this world is round, no?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Samstag

So first communication: the first album turned to be crap...apart from one song...you know Cat Stevens was probably already living the 80s probably...the album is from 1978 but the sound, damned, is already too much 80s...you know what I mean? I really dislike the music form that decade actually...on the average...whom should we save from those ten years? ...some British Punk Bands...The Pavement, D.Bowie..I am too tired to think about it...anyway the weather is not cool today...no washing machine yet, but we will manage a solution soon...not in a good mood yet...but we will manage a solution soon...

Anmd by the way have a look at this funny quiz, just to get some more motivations to come to visit me....
http://www1.spiegel.de/active/survivalbible/fcgi/survivalbible.fcgi

Peace to everybody

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Back in Berlin: Lp sales

Today I woke up deadly tired...few hours of bad sleep as always so lately...I was drinking my coffee in a small cafe before going to the language school and I got a flyer from a man: "Till saturday we sell Lps for two euro!". Yeah, commercial for a music store. So after the school I went to this store and I actually realized why the lps were so cheap: half of the offers were damned aweful music...but then, after a long research, I found two albums by C. Stevens that I think I´ll be able to play in the restaurant...there is this one song in "Back to Earth" whose lyrics are so defining and well describing a situation familiar to me too...but it is weird: I just read the lyrics and not heard the song yet...
I think I broke the heart of one of my school mates when, two weeks ago, I told her that: 1. J. Cash was dead; 2. C. Stevens is now a kind of orthodox muslim; 3. Beth Orton is lesbian ( I made up the third by myself just to sound more interesting...). IFirst she thought my German was so poor that I could not tell her what I wanted but then, she understood and she was really surprised...but, Hallo, would you make a movie on the whole life of somebody who is still alive....? I mean in this case at the end the director should write "To be continued..." or" To be finished soon (hopefully)"...not very nice for the person concerned...no?
But anyway in these last two months I am more looking for music made just with few instruments, more connected with folk somehow, more intimate and whispered...and I started to re-evaluate the role of the lyrics in a song...I usually did not pay attention to that...
Id love to get a lp player now...it is so charming to touch the lps and read them...and the covers are usually much more meaningful because of their size...
Hope for you all a nice week-end. Have to go to work now...

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Hmmm

Since the second time I went to Czech Republic in 2004, I had the opinion that their problem with events was that they are not really good in promoting them...I never studied marketing but I would say that if you have an International Jazzfest going on, only for days long, and one concert that is supposed to start at ten is not started at 11.15 yet, then there are some problems of promotion. In the end they started, late and without a big audience...but you see Czech are really sensitive and smart as well....they knew this band was not so uauau and they did not show up...walked back in the center...there is a terrific shopping mall, in the eastern part of the Namesti Svobody that looks like a gigantic pocket of atomically endangered aspirines...they should have some rules that take care of the visual health of the population...
Apart from this everything is fine...the sun is still high today...I am gonna visit an exhibition that is called "When the Pope smoked some dope" or something like that...Ill let you know, guys...mejte se hezky a hodne stesty pro vas a vase kamarady...

Monday, April 24, 2006

Jazz Fest

There is a concert tonight..we will go there and try to get wasted and obliterated...the weather was awesome today..I probably could hide my eyes "bags" from tomorrow because of the taint...

Jsem v Brne!!!!

I arrived yesterday...and today is sunny and very spring!!!....will stay just for few days...very few....but I can state that just with the dinner I had probably my weekly dose of garlick!!! Czech Republic!!!
Yeah really weird to know the city so well but to know so few people rightnow....
Take care you all...Ill tell you more soon...

Saturday, April 22, 2006

I see a darkness

This song definitely drives me crazy and this guy has been the best musical discover of the last year probably...
  • I See A Darkness
  • Thursday, April 20, 2006

    Frühling

    So finally the spring arrived today...I went to visit the kindergarden where I will be volunteering since next June...it is kind of far away from the center, actually it takes one hour to go there from my house...it is in the deep Eastern Berlin: I have a a big map of Berlin and the street of the kindergarten is almost at the border of it...big buildings and straight streets...but the people I talked to - actually we talked in German so they talked to me( but I got the meaning of most of the things) - were really nice...
    I saw many young children sleeping and some older playing: this really convinced me I made a good choice!
    Peace to everyone...even to you...

    Sunday, April 16, 2006

    Trying to get distracted by music

    Top five of the albums of the week:
    • Tex Perkins: Wild Horses : (Check this lyrics... check the lyrics for this song!);
    • The Best of Paolo Conte (Una verde Milonga is awesome!);
    • Wilco and Billy Bragg (Can´t remember the name of the album...);
    • Lambchop: Is a Woman;
    • Franz Ferdinand: You Could Have It So Much Better ( Track number eight overall).

    Saturday, April 15, 2006

    Is there room for private concerns in my blog?

    Few days ago a friend asked me something like:"Do you have dreams for your future, Marco? Concerning your professional future (1); people you want the dreams come true with (2); so, just to generalize it, a project for your life...?"
    Not an easy question, uh guys?
    I think: (1) I don´t have a very clear idea about it; (2) I have a very clear idea...
    But why shouldn´t I at least have some deep expectations? How can you live without them?
    And by the way at least I think I have found a spot in this globe where I can feel satisfied...
    But probably the clearness in the second case is too clear...I mean: the more it got clear, the less is become the space for acceptable differences/modifications...and the less they are, and the more vulnerable you feel, no? Even close-minded, no?
    Or maybe, the less they are, the more somebody is blind/ a childish dreamer...I guess this second one fits to me a lot nowadays...hmm...is it freedom when you choose you are so sure about something that you give no other possibility to yourself? Free not to have something, then, because the choice implies this?...I guess it is...but the consequences cannot be under your control (obvious)...so the freedom then it is just the way you live together with them, the way you handle them...or what? Or maybe it´s already gone so, for your own sake, you have to consider your life a sequence of unrespected situations that obliges you to make up a new version that fits to the new circumstances...?
    Anyway...both blindly dreamer and totally free...it sounds a very strange combination for a 25 years old dude, uh?



    But that is the way it is...so I´ll get along with that! Or what?

    Thursday, April 13, 2006

    The fourth part of the story

    http://news.independent.co.uk/europe/article357233.ece

    Chart

    So after almost a month let´s describe some of the funniest things seen in here:
    a guy from Jamaica who plays chess on the streets: if you want to compete with him, he switches on the radio, keeps it very loud, and plays fast: he declares he is the fourth best player in his country...possible, no? The more you play with him, the more you pay...
    A man who comes to the restaurant every single night trying to sell candles, the big coloured ones...so far nobody among the personnel has ever seen him selling at least one but he seems so peaceful and happy...
    A man who comes to the restaurant every single night offering you to have a Polaroid photo: we once asked for one and realized he actually has no perception of the proportions: half of the photo had no subject and we were put in the left part of it...he asks five euro for this and in Berlin it is a lot for such a service....but whatever....
    Turkish children playing football in a yard, everybody against everybody...joyfully screaming and running hard...
    A Georgian man talking a good Italian with an American guy, living in Rome, in an Italian restaurant in Berlin: they understood each other so well!!!
    A Techno party in a grungie place in Kreuzberg: five in the morning, 1500 people sweating in a dance floor with a tropical climate...unbearable...I have been told some people kept on partying till four in the afternoon..guess thanks of what?
    German people eating half a kilo of fried cabbage with french fries, with fried Curry wurst, curry, mayonnaise and ketchup at three in the morning...the last three not fried, unfortunately for them!!!

    Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    Silvio go home...

    I never thought my country is a normal democracy but somehow elections still work...even if the media have been occupied by this paper-tycoon Italian voters chose five years ago...What this country needs is rules, equity and hope: that fake statist, this Narcisus, this bullshit-teller, this unpolite man, this doubtful money-maker could not provide any...and to me this seemed obvious from the very beginning... I don´t miss Italy...don´t miss a crapped system where the rich people are not even judged for their crimes, where the environment is a good as butter or towels and where the hipocrisy rules on both sides most of the time...
    Too pessimistic..maybe but have a look at the reports on these last election days and you ll agree with me a bit more, I guess...

    Tuesday, April 11, 2006

    Still cold

    So today it seems it is still winter; the school was kind of boring and it seems like the teacher, though too young for this, suffers of some menopause side-effects: she would keep the window always open....damned! When it is cold, just close it!....but probably German people are used to this strange spring time....are they cold? Are they close? Would they show their feelings? Would they express themselves without the need to make detailed questions? Would they cry when something is sad and howl when something is awesome? I don´t knwo yet...But after all: Would I either? Probably....
    I go to work...

    Monday, April 10, 2006

    house

    We finally got a washing machine and a vacuumcleaner, a table and some chairs...
    The neighbourhood is awesome...almost everything I need is in the surrounding...
    The only thing I still miss is a laptop but Ill try to manage it somehow....
    Stay tuned!

    Wednesday, April 05, 2006

    Complete Address

    So I live in: Baruther Strasse, 11. 10961 Berlin Germany.
    Peace to everyone.

    Sunday, April 02, 2006

    Get Google Earth and have a look!

    Hey guys, the addresse of my new house is Baruther Strasse, 11. Kreuzberg, Berlin.
    Check it out, have an air-view...Enjoy!

    Saturday, April 01, 2006

    And the first dream comes true

    I finally got a room in a flat with three other German students!!!!!!!
    It is not a joke, the one from April the first!!!!!
    I am so happy...you can´t even imagine...
    Have a nice you all!!!

    Funny Championships

    http://ch.tilllate.com/DE/partydetails.php?gid=304058
    After the Sudoku World Championships, won last month by a Czech woman, professor of Economics, here it is another weird competition...

    Wednesday, March 29, 2006

    Night lessons

    Yesterday I had a dinner in a flat with my friends and some other people too...they talked German most of the time...I tried to pick up something...couldn´t say anything but I had the feeling I understood a lot...like more than I expected...I should just have this shock therapy probably...that´s why I am trying to get a room with some German dudes...it seems so difficult...in two days it will be already two weeks seek...and no room yet....cross your fingers from time to time...

    Tuesday, March 28, 2006

    Caipirinha to go

    I have always been against any form of drink/food to go (Paul, do you remember my complains about the coffee to go? Well, here it seems that the coffee to sit is an old-fashioned habit.). Today I saw a place in Prenzlauer Berg where they sell you the Caipi to go....no comment...actually I already had few Döner to go so I should shut up but I always want to be right...eh eh...I am waiting for the house to go, for real....
    No room yet but a sort of sure/temporary job in a nice restaurant in Kreuzberg...so something is going on....

    Friday, March 24, 2006

    Berlinischer Arbeiter

    Last wednesday I had my first working experience in this town and Id say it turned to be Ok...did not break any glass - strange - could understand some basic orders in german...so I was pretty satisfied...the room thing is the only complication still...but I will solve the problem for sure...Take care you all....

    Tuesday, March 21, 2006

    Here we are!

    Hey guys I finally moved to Berlin! Im looking for a room now and it is more difficult that I previously supposed...anyway the sun is finally shining today and the city is pulsing positively as always. Take care you all and have a look at this blog sometimes....